Peeling back the layers of self-concept is a bit like unravelling an onion – you uncover different sides of yourself as you go. Ever wondered: who’s the real you? Is it the you that shows up when no one’s watching, stripped of all the outside noise? Or is it the mix of roles you play in different situations, each shaping a different part of who you are? In plain terms, self-concept is basically how you see yourself based on what you believe and how others see you (check out this link for more: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-concept-2795865).
Think about it: you act differently around your family than you do with your partner, right? A homosexual friend who was having an identity crisis once told me, “At home, I’m my mom’s kid; at church, I’m supposed to be this perfect child of God. But it’s only with my friends that I can really be me.” Hearing that hit me hard – it got me thinking, who’s the real me, really?
I’ve been through my fair share of changes, let me tell you. Each experience has brought out a different side of me, ones I didn’t even know existed. And I’m sure there are more changes to come – life’s full of surprises, after all.
So, I want to share something, a little poem or written thoughts, that dive into the different sides of me that I’ve come to experience, know and love. Some parts of me stay the same, while others are always changing. Come along as we explore this journey of self-discovery together, figuring out what makes us who we are in a world that’s always changing.
Pseudonym
Def. a fictitious name, especially one used by artists
I’ve been called many names and titles; I’ve given myself names
I was first called son
By my mother, since my father denied me.
igama
So she called me Thembelani
She created her own hope,
Using me as her wishing coin.
I later moved to brother, without even knowing.
nome
I gave myself the name ‘father’
When I first held my little sister in my arms.
Namae
I was then called ‘son’ by many strange faces that came and went in our household.
Some left joy, some of them left scars never to be forgotten.
名稱
I grew up, gave myself the first name I will be remembered by
JC
A seed that wished to become a tree.
Under that name I got many other names.
Artist was the brightest.
I was given the name ‘Friend’ by many, but only chose a few.
I was given the name ‘Lover’, but not all of them chose to stay, neither did I.
I was given “Friend” again, only this time with quotation marks
Things were ‘complicated’
naam
To shadow myself and live in mystery, I named myself
‘Ayanda’
Only a few believe in that name’s existence. I was giving them something to hold on to.
ónoma
I was named ‘Shifu’, shortly translating to the one who teaches.
I have stayed under that name for a long time, even now I still wear it as a badge.
….
I have been given many names, I have given myself many names under different circumstances.
I gave myself the name ‘Purplish flowers’, to hide in plain sight, so I could read people’s true thoughts about what I had to say.
Again, I’ve been given the name ‘Lover’, many, many times, not more than the fingers in my hand
That name has been good, but very scary to hold on to. Because when it disappears, it’s like a finger has been cut off.
I know there are names I can’t keep forever, but I hope I can have a choice of which ones I want to die with.
names
I want to keep ‘JC’ forever, it saved me from a lot of obscurity.
I want to keep ‘Son’, only the one from my mother.
I want to keep ‘Brother’; it makes me have something to care for, it’s important to me just like ‘Teacher’
I’d like to keep ‘Artist’; it makes me have something to add in this world.
I’d like to keep ‘Friend’; it makes me not feel alone in this big world
I’d like to keep lover/babe, to the one that loves me
Finally,
I’d like to keep ‘Thembelani’, because no matter where I go or what I do, I am hopeful that
success is around the corner.
I hope as you read this, you can understand me, but at the same time begin to ask yourself who are you
Writing is taken from © Words by JC Zondi