In the year 2023, I received an invitation to present a TEDXYouth Talk with the theme “Mind Over Matter.”
I went through numerous drafts while attempting to craft an inspirational talk on overcoming challenges. After jotting down countless topics, it was my girlfriend Di who suggested using my own experiences as the focus since I had successfully overcome several obstacles in my life.
Without hesitation, I knew the direction I wanted to take. I was well aware of the series of events and circumstances that had led me to the present moment, and so I began shaping the speech that would ensue.
I aimed for the talk to mirror my life, inspired by Andrew Stanton’s Tedtalk, but with a twist – I decided to narrate it in reverse
The picture above is one of my favourite pictures, I have it next to my bed. It represents the greatest challenge I have faced as a person, an Identity crisis, not knowing who I really am or where I belonged. You see I was born a black stereotype; this picture was taken the day my biological father stood in court, looked at me, and said, “That boy is not my son” even though I looked at him and he was my older reflection. I have spent many years since then trying to figure out who I really am and what’s my purpose.
I have collected pictures here that represent the obstacles that I’ve overcome over the years to put me where I am today, standing in front of you. I have surmised that self-determination, friends, family and even more self- determination are the methods to overcoming obstacles. How watching a single movie changed the course of my life.
I want to start somewhere at the end and work my way back to where it all began.
Chapter 1. Coming to China
I borrowed that title from the American Movie “Coming to America”, which was about a black man coming to a foreign country to find love. I too came to China to find a real Kung Fu Master…well that’s not entirely true. Growing up I took a lot of inspiration from Kung Fu movies, which when I came to China, I heard its actually Gong Fu, I have been lied to all these years
I was inspired/influenced a lot by these movies, specifically old Jackie Chan movies. I remember watch drunken master for the first time, so, I dreamt of coming to China, not only to learn more about it, but meet Jackie Chan. The problem was how does a young black man from a South African township make it all the way to China. I didn’t have an answer, but every diary I had there was a section that wrote “I will meet Jackie Chan someday”
I kept that dream for over 20 years, yes, it took over 20 years, nobody believed me, except a few people. At the age of 27 years, I left my lecturing job. A source of income for my family. the only money I had was to come to China, if everything didn’t work out, I was screwed. While everyone else was leaving China due to the pandemic, I decided to come the opposite direction. I took a risk, there was something standing in my way for years and I wanted to overcome that, for a chance to meet someone who didn’t know I existed.
When I left, I was talking to my long-time friend in the township, he said to me “remember you use to tell us you’re going to go to China one day, and we laughed at you. Look at you, finally doing it”
Honestly, I don’t remember having said that, but I am so glad I said it, because there were so many times where I could have died in the hood, many times, either being stabbed or accidentally killed
You need to keep on working on the things that make you feel complete, I kept on working
Chapter 2. First person to go to university: {vendor to graduate}
In fact, I have been working my entire life at least so far; I started working when I was around 7 years old as a street vendor, selling fruits and vegetables in the streets with my mom. She would wake me up every weekend at 4 am so we could catch the first taxi (mini-bus). She’d get really angry if we missed it because that’s money missed, at times I’d be the one she lashes on. I hated my mom those days.
On holidays I had to do that every day, at that time I hated it, I just wanted to be a kid like everyone else, to play. I remember times we would be chased by police because we were selling where it was illegal to sell around. I was scared I would live like that for the rest of my life, I was so scared that I would carry math books with me all the time; when no one was buying any fruits I would sneak a read of the book under the table; I was really good at math, I believed it would save my life because I was told education was the key.
You see, I come from a large family, and the number keeps growing. When I graduated from high school, being the first to finish high school, I had the desire to go to university, a desire driven by the portrayal of college life in American movies. I wanted to go, I wanted to get laid, I was getting out of the hood, I just needed my life to somehow be better.
However, I faced a financial obstacle of course. Finance has remained the root of my problem for decades. This might sound like an African folklore but my mother come through for me, she had somehow saved up a lot of money in this 2-litre bottle that was enough for me to register; so, I can be a doctor, she had also told her friends that I am going to be a doctor, and with those words, there was help from friends and family. I found a way to attend university to be a “doctor”.
When I got there, I knew there many obstacles ahead of me, I had no funding, I had no place to stay (residence), there were different cultures but all I knew that this is my only chance, I did not want to go back to the township. I put it in my mind that I will figure it out as I go.
Chapter 3. “Not a doctor”:
So, I’m not a doctor! I think my mother’ hated me for over 5 years for that; I tried so many times to get her to come watch some of my works, she would always make an excuse. In fact, she teased me in Zulu with “but you’re still not a doctor yet”
I was struggling with my identity again
You see, I had decided to supplement my math & psychology degree with drama and performance studies in university, mind you I had no background in it and worse my family expected me to become a doctor. As a matter of fact, I don’t know why I chose to do it. I had one module missing, this lady told me I should take drama and performance, so I wrote it down. My degree was not making sense to me either
It was the first time my own mother became a sort of obstacle in my life and I couldn’t overcome it. A part of me was really hurt by how my mom felt about what I do, I understood how she felt, she finally thought here was a way out of poor financial state and I was wasting it with “pretend play” her words.
She was not wrong, being an artist back home in South Africa, probably everywhere in the world is difficult, art is not well funded and not everyone makes it, some big artist ends up being poor. So, choosing to be an artist is “equivalent to being a street vendor” “you don’t know where your next meal ticket might come from” and I would ask myself, how could I do that to my mom, how could I do it to myself. I spent a lot of time in despair, I avoided going home as often as possible, besides being busy with work, I didn’t want to be reminded that I was not a doctor. I did have great friends though.
In 2015, my friend (Simphiwe) and I wrote a story called Welcome to Gomora, I based it on my community. It’s about a boy who tries to save his community but becomes a victim of its violence. I asked my mom to come watch, luckily, she came, for the first time, after 6 years, I felt like she understood what I was doing, we talked outside and she said “so, that’s what you do”. I said “yes” she smiled and said “okay”.
I am still unsure if all that time I was working to convince my mom what I do is worth my time, because it was, art completed transformed my life. I was super glad that she was able to appreciate it, but she still wants me to be a doctor, she still introduces me with my psychology qualification rather than my art.
Chapter 4. What’s in a name?
My mother named me Thembelani, which loosely translates to ‘the one I put my hope in’ that’s a lot of pressure in a name. My culture, Zulu places a lot of meaning in names. It is a belief that your name is like your spiritual guide; it reflects your purpose. When I fall into despair & obstacles are in my way, I reflect on my names a lot, both the one my mom gave me and the one I gave myself, JC, which comes from Jackie Chan.
I remember what I told myself from a very young age about nothing stopping me from reaching my dreams and I imagine the love from my mother’s eyes when she gave me my name. I tell myself I won’t let either of us down.
Mind over matter; there are no small obstacles, it’s the life and strength of the bearer that decides. You see mind over matter in my belief is not about self only, but about what and who you surround yourself with. For me, the obstacles I’ve overcome whether identity crisis or finance have been through severe self-determination but my god the people who believed in me helped a lot.
So, what I would like you to take from this talk is that affirm to yourself what your beliefs are, remind yourselves of them, surround yourself with people you trust, sometimes it’s strangers like people from TV, sometimes it’s friends, then work hard, wake up earlier.
We say mind over matter, but it’s also mind and body over matter because we need both to overcome adversities. I have learned over the years to become my own fan and my own critic, because you need both when obstacles are sitting in front of you. Talk about your dreams as often as possible, because there are many ways you’ll be able to reach them.
I want to share this funny picture; my student made this picture, he told is helping me reach a little closer to my dream. It has become one of the best gifts I have ever received. Because I do feel a little closer to reaching my dreams.
Thank you for letting me share my story with you, take care of yourselves.
The link to the talk is here, however the sound quality was very poor. I am proud of my ventures so far, I am a man who constantly refuses to be stagnant.